i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
