He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
