the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
