Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
