i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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