If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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