You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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