What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
