we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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