Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.