i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.