turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
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She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going