Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
