dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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