I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
