Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
