He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
