areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
