You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
