we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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