end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
