Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
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A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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