I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Let's get the cat blown out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
