just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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