genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ttyl tear gas
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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