so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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