You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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