??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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