i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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