when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
