Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
