Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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