Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize
