I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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