You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
