guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
