i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
