Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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