i already hear my dad disowning me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
