I have demons in me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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