I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
