new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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