the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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