my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
