I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
