i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
