Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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