All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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