Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
