so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
