It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
