someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
