I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
