Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
