i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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