Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
