just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
