If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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