If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
