I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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