If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
