But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
