He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
