Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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