so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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