Already got asked if we're dating
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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