Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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