I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
