My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
