My hand turned me down
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
