You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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