Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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