I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
