i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
