Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Panties = found
Randomize
