I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm both gender and math confused
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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